I’m wearing black today.  But I am not a satanist.  Yesterday a random elderly woman at Wal-Mart inquired whether I was a satanist.  I told her, with cautious cheerfulness, that indeed I am not a satanist.   She asked me why I was wearing black.  I explained I like to wear black; I think it’s flattering.  I didn’t mention that one of the very best things about black clothes is that they can be easily re-dyed and thereby have their lives prolonged.   I wear black because I’m poor and wear clothes for a thousand years, but I didn’t feel like getting into all that.   She then asked me to prove that I’m not a satanist, which is hard.   I used to have a slightly nutso roommate–she listened to DC Talk at top volume every morning promptly at six–who used to make me say “Jesus is Lord” after returning from watching horror movies.  I said that, said a satanist wouldn’t say that, and said I needed to go about my business.  She was blocking the aisle.  She asked me where I went to church, and I told her my denomination.  She said that was as good as being a satanist.   I told her to mind her own damn business.  Her eyes got wide.  I hissed at her, and she walked off as fast as she could.

I’m reasonably certain that that was not what Jesus would do.  I always feel awkward when strangers try to evangelize me.  But that’s nothing compared to being asked if I’m a satanist because I’m in a black tee shirt.

The pastor just adjusted the air conditioner, saying that a woman in her mid-60s was complaining because of “change of life.”  I’m not personally privy to this woman’s uterus, but I’m going to go ahead and guess that she’s several years past hot flashes.  I told him I didn’t think menopause was an appropriate thing to discuss.  He scoffed and said that when you get older it’s just something you talk about.  I told him I still didn’t think it was appropriate.  He rolled his eyes!  I’m still debating whether I should explain to him that his reflections on women’s body processes are fairly sexist and definitely inappropriate or should just give up.

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