I have such a case of the Mondays. I’m using a big glass of Emergen-C and cranberry juice to wash down some flax oil capsules, and I’m choosing to believe that this combination will have magical powers to overcome not enough sleep, a general sense of malaise, and a chilly workplace. I came in this morning and discovered that all the lights in the building were on and the air conditioning was set at 68. I’m freezing my ass off and muttering darkly about idiots who can’t be bothered to pay their secretary a fair wage but who are happy about paying exorbitant light bills.

Sometimes I get the sensation that I’m going to be stuck in this fucking terrible job until the end of my fucking life. I’m in the middle of nowhere. A portion of the middle of nowhere with a job market significantly worse than national averages. My savings are long since spent in futile attempts to keep up with my student loans, so it’s not as if I have a nice little nest egg available to make a move to a nice little one bedroom walk-up in some cool city or another in the apparently unlikely event I find something better somewhere else.

And may I mention my personal life? You know, that personal life that the pastor so deeply enjoys speculating about? The inspiration for many of the admittedly sappy musical selections I’ve been making lately lives at such a remove I occasionally wonder whether he is, in fact, a figment of my considerable imagination. Like a blind girl’s inaccurate bust of Lionel Richie. Is there anything more hilarious than this video?

There isn’t. There just isn’t it. Golly. Watch it again. It’ll almost make you forget the steaming pile of crap that is Monday. Almost.

I’m wearing two cardigans and sitting cross-legged so my ass can keep my feet warm. I just found a paperclip stuck in my hair.