I had the following conversation moments ago:

Excuse me, ma’am. Ma’am! Ma’am, do you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

He was holding a tract in one hand and a Bible in the other. I thought it was a bit of a personal question to be coming from a fat man blocking the sidewalk.

Hi. What’s your name?

Bob

Hi, Bob. How’re you?

I’m fine. Jesus–

Hi, Bob. Ask me what I do for a living.

I’m not really here to–

Ask me.

What do you do for a living?

I’m a church secretary, Bob. Ask me what kind of college I went to.

What kind of college did you go to?

Christian. A Christian college, Bob. What kind of girl am I, Bob?

I, uh, well…

A church girl. I’m a big time church girl, Bob. Jesus and I are old friends. Thanks for asking.

Well… God bless you then. God bless.

God bless you, Bob.

For the life of me, I do not know why people think they get holiness points for accosting people returning their library books. I really don’t. Is it too much to ask people to get to know others as individuals, to share their lives a little? Jesus isn’t a band you’re promoting, ferfucksake. Jesus doesn’t need you to leave flyers on people’s cars.

Also, I’m pretty grateful that the question “what kind of girl do you think I am” didn’t get answered the way I was pretty sure it would. Short skirt today.

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