Or close enough.

Good morning! My name is Crazy Lady You Have No Idea Who Is. What’s your name?


Spell that for me, darling.

So I did.

Crunch mouse? That’s lovely.

Thank you, but no. It’s Churchrat. Church. Rat.

That’s wonderful. I’m writing it down. Just lovely, Little Miss Crunchmouse. I bet your just as pretty as your name, sweetheart. Why did your parents name you that? What’re your parents names?

I’m sorry. What can I help you with this morning?

I’m from Some Church You Didn’t Know Was Expected at the Meeting Being Held this Week. And I was just calling to tell you how sorry I am for all the confusion on the meeting dates.

That’s kind of you. I appreciate it. Thank you for calling, Crazy La–

You know, there’s just so much confusion lately. Like there’s something in the air or the water or the Holy Spirit’s working or Satan’s working against the mighty, mighty work God is doing in our church. It just blesses my heart, Coolhamster, so much. So much! This confusion just blesses my heart. Doesn’t it bless yours?


Confusion, by the way, mostly makes me wish people kept better track of their calendars. I doesn’t inspire in me any theories about God or the devil, but I didn’t say that. She didn’t seem to realize I was trying to respond to her question and just kept talking.

Sugar, I just wanted call and tell you how much I hoped you weren’t inconvenienced–

It’s really no big–

And to let you know that I’m just praying and praying for you and your pastor and your church. The Holy Spirit is at work! I know it! You never did tell me why your parents named you Cookiemouse. And are your parents Steve & Shelly Mouse?

No. They’re not. My name is CHURCHRAT, and I’m named for The Rats for Whom I’m Named.

That’s just beautiful. You’re beautiful. Bless your heart. This conversation with you has blessed me so, Crookgerbil. So much!

I’m, ah, glad.

And this week’s almost over! Can you believe it’s almost time to head back to Lord’s sweet house for another sweet hour of prayer sweet hour of prayer that calls me from a world of care? Let’s go into his courts with praise, Cannywombat. Into his courts!

I can, and I’m afraid that reminds me that, Crazy Lady, I must get back to work on my bulletin for the week unless there’s something else I can help you with.

Oh no. I think that was all

Well, it’s been a pleasure. Perhaps I’ll speak to you soon.

A blessing! A blessing, Combative-opossum! A blessing!

I hung up the phone.